THIS THANKSGIVING, INSTEAD OF COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS, COUNT THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE BLESSED—

It’s kind of like paying it forward.

I was so blown away yesterday when a lovely man who’s been taking yoga with me for a few years at the Decatur/DeKalb YMCA walked up after class and handed me an envelope. I jived with him that it was comp tickets to one of the theaters where he ushers on a regular basis—but it was something even more special:

Dear Patrice,
With Thanksgiving approaching, I wanted to say a quick thank you. A little over three years ago, I was diagnosed with early stage Multiple Myeloma. Without knowing it, you (and Yoga) have been part of my health team. Yoga helps my body stay limber, helps strengthen my bones, and helps relax me mentally, all of which are essential. (Along with a lot of meds….) I recently achieved a partial remission. Thank you for being a great yoga instructor, and part of the reason for my good news! Sincerely, V.M.

What a special way to express his gratitude. And you’re right; I never would have known it. All the cockles of my heart were warmed.

Here’s the thing—if someone has impacted you in a similar way, isn’t it a nice time to write them a note about it?

TURN BACK TIME WITH TURKEY TALES

To be honest, I dreaded holidays—going back to my family in Buffalo (where I had never lived; my parents had moved there when I was out of the nest; so I didn’t even have a network of friends to support me when venturing back into the CRAZY ZONE).

In a drunken rage several years earlier, at age 48 my mother had fallen down the basement steps and paralyzed herself at C-5. She was an alcoholic and a quadriplegic—and somewhere along the way she had morphed from the Mary Poppins-like mother of young children, a brilliant one she was, to someone more like Norman Bates’ mom in Psycho. I’d always wanted to help her; I loved her so much. But the energy drain was intense, especially during times of high expectations like the holidays. It was an impossible set-up and it seemed to get harder every year.

One year at Instructor Training for all the Dale Carnegie instructors (I taught the Sales Course for fifteen years, and it was outstanding!), we were challenged to invite our family members to share a time when we were all happy together.

“Impossible!” I said. “We won’t be able to do it.” In fact the very notion caused my stomach to churn. We were all so hardened into tough little knots, trying to protect ourselves from each other.

But someone had to take the lead.

That’s why I threw down the challenge to the family a full day ahead of time so we could all come up with something. I’d already been racking my brains for days, so I had the advantage.

And I was amazed at the results.

THAT PRE-VERBAL THING

At the Thanksgiving table as we went around sharing our tales, it dawned on me that all of their happy times occurred when I was pre-verbal—and my happy time occurred when I felt like a young lady—more of a grown-up!

Although I didn’t take this as a total reflection on ME (after all, their happy times involved our summer vacations with the extended family at Ocean City, New Jersey, when my mother was relaxed and surrounded by the stimulating, flamboyant great aunts & uncles and her own delightful parents), I did find it interesting that they enjoyed life together more when I was a baby and I enjoyed being treated like an adult. “You’re a young lady now…” (remember that slogan from that era, ladies?

My happy time was at the Rivermont in downtown Memphis, overlooking the mighty Mississippi at a Mothers Day celebration, where my father (voted Best Boy Dancer in his high school in Cambridge Springs, PA) took each of us individually onto the dance floor for our own swing around the room. He was pretty mellow about it—even though he kept reminding me to let him lead!

What’s my point? That was one of the few times I felt like I had his attention.

Maybe sharing some attention and intention with my loved ones at Turkey Time is the best way to express thanks for what they’ve given. This is something I need to remind myself!